I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
