I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize