soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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