just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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