If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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