Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
