have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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