'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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