you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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