the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
