And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Randomize
