dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
