if you like me you must not know who I am
I'm so fucking centered right now
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize