By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
