who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
i out mim tonsoeep
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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