in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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