I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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