my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
