If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
