dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
