im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Sober January is a disaster.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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