Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
