i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
