you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
