the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
