i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
