oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
