If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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