Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
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