i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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