i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Randomize
