remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
