totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Randomize
