mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
