remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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