I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize