If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Two words: blizzard sex
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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