I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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