The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
