Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
