Christians are straight up FREAKS
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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