But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Send help, water and tortillas.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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