Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Randomize
