Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
