He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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