in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
