i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Randomize
