Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
