Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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