Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize