Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
