Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
