don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Randomize
