Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
