last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
All I want is dick and wine.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
