she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
