I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
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