I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
