im having a threesome with these popsicles
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I miss vodka workout Fridays
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize