I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
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