her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Boobs speak an international language.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
