you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
What a dumb baby whore.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Randomize
