i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Randomize
