Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
