i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize