If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Randomize
