Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
