its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
