This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
you had me at cake vodka
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
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