I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
i think i have two assholes
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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