She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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