why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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