I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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