Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Randomize
