Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Randomize