sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
