So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
