Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize
