when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
