I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
