The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
