I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
she looked like the before picture.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
