i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
